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All Topics » Site Contests » Archived Contest Winners » Taro Reviews the Cosmic Solarium

Taro Reviews the Cosmic Solarium [LOCKED]

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Taro Reviews the Cosmic Solarium [LOCKED] 9

Taro Reviews the Cosmic Solarium

by Gryphling » March 15, 2019 07:42 PM

Last Edited: March 25, 2019 11:55 AM

So my kith, Taro, kind of demanded me to enter her in this contest? She's got a laugh like an anime villain, so I don't like to say no to her...



“Hello my darlings! It is I, the illustrious Taro of Hope! Recently my ally has tasked me with shuttling her back and forth to this new remnant on quests – a duty that I of course make look easy, but has become tiresome nonetheless. It is all the way in outer space after all! In exchange for my gracious assistance, Gryphling recently put together a little “thank you package” of items from the Cosmic Solarium for me. It’s about time I was recognized. Since I know you all love hearing my opinion, I thought I’d share with you my ratings of these exotic gifts. Let’s begin, shall we?”

Diet


Crater Cheese “ANOTHER KITH HAS TAKEN BITES OF MY FOOD? I must have a little chat with Gryphling about keeping my snacks safe from those Nibblugs and their poor table manners. Perhaps I’ll try a fresh, untasted, sample of this later. 0/10 for improper food handling.”
Comet Fruit “This treat reached me intact. Despite the strange color, the taste reminded me a bit of a Coral Reef kiwi. Would be good in a salad if my ally knew how to prepare it. 7/10.”
Void Essence “Beautiful to look at, but it tastes like Nothing! Ahahaha! … … …That was a joke. 4/10 for your lack of humor.”
Moon Melon “Even waterier than a Hope watermelon. Maybe that has something to do with the tides? (I had my ally remove the seeds for me.) 6/10.”
Circuit Bar “I adored the dark chocolate and spearmint flavor, but did not appreciate the fact that it stained my entire mouth a glowing green! It took forever to wash out. 2/10 for that nasty surprise.”
Cosmic Crisps “Normally I try to avoid junk food, but I enjoyed stacking these chips into a tower. No, that is not called ‘playing with my food,’ that is called ‘architecture.’ 7/10.”

Knowledge


The Moon Bunny “Note to self: lasers can be used to engrave one’s own visage on the lunar surface. Perhaps these trips to the Cosmic Solarium aren’t such a waste of my time… 10/10.”
The Big Book of Talent “An enlightening read! Hope University should have their own book of campus records, with categories like ‘Fanciest Bumblebunnee’ or ‘Kith with the Best Taste.’ 11/10.”
A Fold in Space “I was hesitant to try the science fiction genre – it’s so plebeian these days – but the added feature of controlling which paths the protagonist takes was worth it. And if I disliked a particular ending I could always backtrack and select a different option! 9/10.”
Perfect Pitch “The title of this holo-book was misleading. It contained only a few samples of classical music and the rest was an unrelated sequence of people talking and electronic gibberish. 3/10.”
Mind Over Matter “I’ve tapped into the power of the subconscious with my Fortune-Telling Cards, but I’ve never considered telekinesis as a possibility. Imagine not having to wait for Gryphling to pull my spell books off the shelf! 9/10.”
Defying Gravity “Although I don’t care for sports stories or the ‘inspirational underdog’ plot, the songs were so catchy that I found myself singing along with the karaoke lyrics projected on the hologram! 8/10.”

Toybox


Byte-Buddy Bun “How could I say no to an adorable, little robot clone of myself? On the downside, the magnetic latch for the storage chamber has some design flaws that make it difficult to open. I would prefer not to require my ally’s help to access my most secret treasures. 5/10.”
Rose Holo Terrarium “The rose is truly the aristocrat of flowers, and this holographic one will never wither and die. Minimalist sophistication at its finest. 10/10.”
EB – Ocullina “A bit unsettling with that enormous, single eye, but she is an excellent listener. My favorite of all the Extraterrestrial Babies. 8/10.”
Sticky Stars “Gryphling thought it would be funny to stick these to my fur. 1/10 for the humiliation.”
Hack N Slash “Senselessly and frustratingly violent. How am I supposed to get up the tower when these ‘mobs’ keep appearing? I much prefer Piper Artois’ arcade games to this nonsense. 2/10 because the colors are pleasing.”
Astral Projector “Unlike the dreadful Sticky Stars, the heavenly bodies this toy projects are harmless lights! If I stand in the middle of Gryphling’s dorm, I can be in the center of the universe! 10/10.”
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Re: Taro Reviews the Cosmic Solarium

by Leslie » March 15, 2019 08:04 PM

THIS IS SO FUNNY! I loved it. You took such great care with all of these!
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Re: Taro Reviews the Cosmic Solarium

by Gryphling » March 15, 2019 08:07 PM

Last Edited: March 16, 2019 03:40 PM

[@Leslie] Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun brainstorming what a "regal" kith's responses to these items would be.
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For mods and admins: I edited a couple of typos/grammatical errors after I originally posted, so I hope that's ok.
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